If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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