I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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