Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
