clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
