Christians are straight up FREAKS
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
