so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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