so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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