so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
