I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
