You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize