I puked a lego.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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