I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize