i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
