Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
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