literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
