its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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