How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
ttyl tear gas
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
