my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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