??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
