A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
