Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
