if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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