Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
