Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
