I didn't shave. On purpose
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
