i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
