I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
