Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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