No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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