At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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