Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
