Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
