I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
