there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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