Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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