If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
