well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
