I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
