Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
