Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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