The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
