I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
