Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
