Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
