I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
