Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
