bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize