Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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