recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
