where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
