I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
