Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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