My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
