He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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