I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
