haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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