In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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