you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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