we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
