I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
