he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
