yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
