Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
