as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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