how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Everclear isn't food dammit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
