Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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