So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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