He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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