Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I know her cup size but not her name....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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