pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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