I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
